Category: children

On Marriage Equality and Explaining Gay Marriage to My Children

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Marriage equality floral heart love hippie in disguise

Life is busy and there’s just so much news out there that I’m not always on top of the key things happening around the world. So, I didn’t realize until recently that there was a vote happening in Australia on marriage equality. We’ve had marriage equality for about 15 years here in Canada, but I know there are many countries that don’t, so I wasn’t entirely surprised that Australia didn’t. What I was surprised (no, shocked) to learn was that marriage equality was being put to a vote. Like, a fundamental right – equality – is something that should be decided based on the popularity of the idea, rather than being a basic entitlement in life. What’s more, as someone who has worked with elected politicians, I was highly unimpressed that the Prime Minister of Australia – a world leader – didn’t have the leadership skills to do what is right, instead he chose to put fundamental rights to a vote. In politician speak this means he is too weak to make a tough decision that might disappoint his base so he went the route of “letting the people speak.” It’s sad and weak, and certainly not the behaviour of someone worthy of leading a country. But I digress.

So, I was chatting about the vote with a friend, and my kids (age 6 and 12) overheard the person say something to the effect of : “Well, gay marriage wasn’t always legal here.” My children stopped what they were doing and, stunned by this, Sen (my 6 year old) asked in a very confused tone: “Marriage wasn’t always legal?”

I said, “No, honey, gay marriage wasn’t legal at one time in the past.”

Remaining confused, he elaborated on his perplexity: “So, no one could get married?”

Then, Ronan, my older child added: “I’m so confused. I thought there was always marriage.”

I realized in this moment that my children don’t know the term ‘gay marriage’. Marriage of any kind is marriage to them – there is no marriage and gay marriage. They, in fact, thought that their dad and I were in a gay marriage, you know, like a happy marriage. To them, saying that gay marriage wasn’t allowed was the same as saying marriage wasn’t allowed, because they had no sub-categories of marriage types, marriage was two people getting married; end of story.

So, here’s the thing, in our parenting style and among our community of friends and family no one uses the term ‘gay marriage.’ It’s not an explicitly intentional omission, it’s just that we don’t really care or need to describe a union beyond the over-arching terms ‘marriage’ or ‘partners.’ I realized how beautiful this accident was because the children had no notion of there being subsets of marriage. Beautiful because, often times, when you start to distinguish groups and subsets from each other hierarchies emerge, norms are established. The simple lack of a descriptor before marriage shaped their perception and worldview on marriage. And what a beautiful perception they have.

The way we use (or don’t use) language is so important and shapes what we think, what we see as possibilities and what we see as boundaries. Language should free the imagination, not imprison it. It should open the heart, not enclose it.

Back to the story. So, I had to explain what gay marriage was to them. Basically, I explained that it meant that the two people getting married are of the same sex (which usually, but not always, aligns with their outwardly expressed gender). Meaning the definition of gay marriage came down to body parts. To which they reacted with complete confusion, astonishment and bewilderment, because why would the union of two people who share a life be described based on body parts you have no control over. Essentially, it came down to this: “That makes no sense and is totally unfair!”

I agree, guys, I agree.

So, once the idea of gay marriage set in for them and then the idea of people voting on whether to allow it started to process in their minds, their protests started. Rightly, they couldn’t believe that a country would leave it up to citizens to vote on who can get married, isn’t that fundamental right? Isn’t love a good thing? Don’t we want to be inclusive? Don’t we want to show people we care for them? Yes, yes, yes, all the yesses.

Children need parents to teach them things like how to cross the street safely, how to set an alarm clock and how to make their beds (so far my kids have 2 of those things perfected). But they absolutely do not need adults to teach them what is right, what is moral and how to be good people. Children innately know how to be good, they know how to be compassionate, kind, loving, trusting, and what’s more, they want to be these things. I see so much parenting and cultural conditioning that undoes this perfect state of mind children are born with. Adults need to turn to children, the younger the better, to learn how to live a good life. Because I’m pretty sure with a child’s perspective on life and love, this planet would be a peaceful, loving place, where marriage is always just marriage.

2015 Moment of the Year

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Last year, when my blog was still brand new, I shared some of my favourite photos from 2014 from people I follow on Instagram. I love photography for what it can capture that our eye misses, the way in which it aids and embellishes our memories, and for its beauty. But photography, for me, is never about honing technical skill or developing expertise with an apparatus. This approach to photography makes the skill and the photo objects in themselves, often demanding more value than the content of the photo or the memory it captures. I’m always much more drawn to photography that tells a story, that captures a moment rather than constructing one. In this sense I don’t concern myself with improving my photography skills, I want my photos to be organic and to capture something real. This means that I don’t capture much of our life indoors, because the lighting is too low in our home and I would need to improve my skills to capture moments in the way I experience them. In contrast, when photographing my children outdoors I feel as though the photo captures the moment as I experienced it. All this to say, as way of an introduction, that my favourite photo from 2015 is my favourite because it organically captured a number of ideas that are important to me; they are themes in my photography and the ideas I strive to convey in the photography and writing I share here and on Instagram. These themes are: sibling love, nature connection, and minimalist fun.

In the last week of 2015, I began looking through my roll of photos from the past year, rediscovering moments shared with the children and Matt, remembering fun times at home, in our city and while travelling. I collaged some favourites of each child, which I like to do as a way of tracking their change over the year and honing in on their dominant personality characteristics. Ro inspires me with her innate connection to the natural world; we all have that connection, but she feels it deeply and honestly. She inspires me with her creativity, her kindness, her compassion for all life of earth and for her organic way of being. She knows who she is and she lives it every minute of the day.

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Sen grew up a lot in the last year, he’s still my baby, but he’s very much a child most days. I’m still grateful everyday for our surprise pregnancy that brought him into our life. His birth brought everything that was important to us into very sharp focus; that’s what struggles do, and I’m so thankful for him and that struggle. Over the last year, Sen has shown his sweet character each day. He’s full of wonder, innocence, adventure, belly laughs and pure brilliance.

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Capturing siblings moments of interaction, shared space, love and laughs is something I strive for. I want Ro and Sen to have a record of their adventures together and how they got along. I have a hard time with the notion that sibling rivalry is a normal aspect of sibling relationships, and so I strive to ensure that I capture them happily co-existing. I also try my hardest to ensure they are in a space that keeps both of them happy, which is almost always an unstructured natural space. Has anyone else noticed how arguments and conflict evaporate when you take your children into the great outdoors? Somewhere without play structures and curated fun, somewhere where their curiosity and imagination are ignited, and perhaps, even, an inherent biological disposition to get along in the wild kicks in?

And so, my favourite moment of 2015, is captured in an image, it was a fleeting perfect moment. In that photo sibling love shines strong, Ro and Sen are connecting with each other and the moment, enjoying each other’s company, experiencing more joy than any toy or thing will ever bring them, doing so with their bodies hugged up against the ground, the earth, connected physically to the planet that sustains them. When I see my children enjoying life to the fullest out in nature without toys or gear or gadgets, but simply relating to each other or reflecting inwardly, I feel as though I’ve accomplished something great. Allowing them to experience first hand that all they need in life are good relationships, the rest is decoration. True happiness never comes from things, it comes from within and from our relationships. When they experience this happiness in the natural world, more often, more easily, they feel drawn to it, collect fond memories of time in natural spaces, and feel that nature is part of them. It is only natural then that they should seek to protect and nourish that which sustains them and their happiness.

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In a sense, there were many moments of the year in 2015, when exactly these things were happening. But by luck I captured an image of it. One that set me on a path of reflection, asking myself what is it that I understand in an embodied, unconscious way, but can’t articulate? How do I describe what I know to be the value, the story, of this image? Capturing what the eye often misses, my camera caught one of the many moments of the year and helped me articulate embodied knowledge.

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Top post: Any Occasion, Sustainable Gift Guide for Children 

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A Thoughtful Guide for Children’s Gifts

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Update: I developed this list for December giving, however it is suitable for any season or occasion, including Valentine’s day and birthdays. 

It’s that time of year when many people are thinking about gifts for the children in their life. So I decided to share my best recommendations in the interest of thoughtful acquisition. We are very minimal when it comes to gifts: for birthdays it’s one gift, for Christmas it’s two gifts. Over the years the children have grown a nice collection of thoughtful toys, books and play things, that are sustainably made, high quality and heirloom worthy. This list is based on our favourites (and a few wish list items) that both Ro (age 10) and Sen (age 4) enjoy now and did so at a younger age too.

 

Full Children's Gift Guide 2015

I didn’t include any clothing on the list because my children get little enjoyment from what they wear, but if you are looking for clothing recommendations, you can always email me or leave a comment, or check my Label Love series of posts, featuring ethically made, sustainable clothing.

  1. Studio Escargot Doll – small, soft loveable dolls that are beautiful but can still be played with, handmade by Sophia Smeekens, available here
  2. Mozartkugel Music Ball – handmade in Germany from sustainable wood sources, this wooden ball contains a wind up music box that plays Mozart, beautiful sound and beautiful to look at, available here
  3. Once Upon a Balloon – written by Bree Galbraith, a story about the magic and whimsy of childhood imagination, widely available, but you can find it here
  4. 12-piece Wooden Rainbow – made by Grimm’s Wooden Toys, this toy is deceptively complex and yet simple enough for a toddler to enjoy, hours of creative fun, available here (note: the entire line of Grimm’s toys is amazing, you can’t really pick something your children won’t love)
  5. Play Silks – hand dyed silk and cotton play scarves and scapes, hours and hours of creative fun, your children will never cease to come up with something new with these scarves, available from Sarah’s Silks here (note: you can’t really go wrong with anything from Sarah’s Silks)
  6. Global Guardian Project Learning Capsules – monthly digital magazine (including videos, podcasts and art downloads) for children and families to learn about global stewardship. Each month features a different country’s wild life, landscape and challenges, and includes art projects, activities, meditation, recipes and more! You can use my discount code: HIPPIEINDISGUISE for 10% off  and find them here
  7. Felt Bee Costume – handmade felt bee wings and mask from Wishing Elephant and Opposite of Far collaboration available here
  8. Ocean Warrior Necklace – handmade necklace made from amber and sterling silver, a reminder of our connection to the health of our waters and planet, from Tribal Dreaming available here
  9. Dancey Pants Disco Doll – sweet homesteading, yet adventurous dolls handmade by Michelle Housel available here (but often sell out quickly, so keep checking)
  10. Felt Vegetables – handmade felt vegetables, a friend of mine made Ro and Sen a set and they have been enjoyed for hundreds of hours, you can find the set shown as well as many others on Etsy from Little Farmer Felt here
  11. Slingshot with Felt Balls – handmade wooden and felt toy, made in Canada from sustainable wood source with eco paints, by Des Enfantillages and available here
  12. Swurfer Swing – handmade wooden surfing swing, watch some videos here to understand how fun and versatile this swing is, available for purchase here
  13. Blank Notebook – always in use for drawing, taking notes, blank notebooks are a staple, but always exciting as a gift, our favourites are from klt:works available here
  14. The ABCs of Homesteading – a fun, beautifully illustrated book with a hand screen printed cover, written and illustrated by McKenzie E. Ditter available here
  15. Jump Rope – handmade adjustable length wood skipping rope, made from sustainable wood and rope, water based paint, in Canada by Des Enfantillages and available here
  16. Toy Camera – handmade wood and recycled bamboo and finished with oil, made by Park Wood Shop available here
  17. Coloured Pencils – our favourite colouring pencils are made by Lyra, beautiful colours and great hand feel, widely available, but you can find them here for sure
  18. Binoculars – handmade wooden toy binoculars made by Fanny and Alexander and available here
  19. Sonya’s Chickens – beautifully illustrated book about love and nurturing, the realities of nature, life and death, written and illustrated by Phoebe Wahl available here
  20. Pencil Case – young artists need to be able to travel easily with their pencils, handmade from upcycled materials and available in a range of styles and colours, made by El Quiltro and available here

My favourite toy shop in Canada is Three Little Monkeys, they are located in downtown Ottawa, but have an amazing online shop and ship everywhere, so check them out.

Check out my Thoughtful Women’s Gift Guide — good for any season or occasion.

*Full disclosure: I’m not compensated for purchases or clicks to sites. I’m recommending these gifts because my children enjoy them, they are durable, sustainably made, and are likely to be kept and passed on to their children. They are heirloom quality gifts that children will thoroughly enjoy, that inspire creativity, open-mindedness, care and nurturing. UPDATE: I have updated some links on this page as Amazon Affiliate links, purchases made from links to Amazon from my site I will receive a small commission for.

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Hippies on Nordstrom

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As Mother’s Day approaches, Nordstrom is publishing a series of interviews with moms on what motherhood means to them and what they’ve got on their Mother’s Day wish list. When Nordstrom initially emailed me I assumed they had the wrong person or had accidentally sent a bulk email. Oops. But no, after I had a few conversations with the lovely Nordstrom Blogs team, I realized that they wanted to represent a range of moms and perspectives in the interviews. The series does have one common thread and it has something to do with children’s art…I will leave you with that teaser, in the hopes that skip over to the blog and have read.

Thank you, Nordstrom, for including me in your mix! I love an opportunity to talk about my thoughts on fashion and acquisition, and, of course, my kids and their art! Link to my interview here.

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Magic Feathers

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Last September Kristin, the owner and designer behind the kids organic clothing line, Gardner and the Gang, decided to hold a children’s art competition. Children were encouraged to submit drawings under the theme for her SS15 collection: Magic and Rock ‘n’ Roll. The winning drawing, chosen through open voting, would be incorporated into the SS15 collection.

I loved the spirit behind Kristin’s competition, encouraging children to draw and supporting young artists to pursue their passion. I talked to Ro about it and she decided to submit her Magic Feathers drawing that she had drawn as part of her daily drawing project. The drawing itself had been inspired by a photograph that Kirsten Rickert had shared on Instagram. Isn’t it lovely the way the Instagram community knits itself together, connecting people across vast distances in these beautiful ways?

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Initially, Kristin had planned on donating the profits of the shirt sales to support access for children to art lessons – a very worthy investment I would have to say. The value of art education should not be underestimated. When Ro wrote to Kristin about her inspiration for the drawing and her passion for protecting animals, Kristin decided to invest the money in another way: to protect endangered animals. This is what both Ro and I are most excited about, the shirts are symbolic of a greater cause and will hopefully inspire conversations between parents and children about animal protection.

This morning on the way to school I told Ro that her shirt design was for sale on the Gardner and the Gang website. She replied: “Mom, I’m just so happy that I drew that picture, because so many animals will be saved.” My heart is so proud.

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I have an inquiring mind and so I asked Kristin a few questions about herself, the competition and her clothing line. And, now, I can see why she was swayed by Ro’s love for all animals.

Why did you hold a children’s art competition?

I thought it was a nice idea to involve the people I design for and make it a fun happening.  If we can help encourage children to use their artistic talent then that is a good thing and such a good feeling too.

What is the plan for the money earned from sales of the Magic Feathers shirt?

We will donate all the revenue from the sales to a cause chosen by Ro. In this case we will adopt endangered animals through WWF (the World Wildlife Fund).

What is your background, where did you grow up, what did you study?

I am from Sweden, I grew up in the countryside close to animals and nature. I have studied media communication, visual communication, photography and graphic design. My degree is in Visual communication.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

I had all sorts of dreams, but the main one was to have a huge farm. However, I have always been terribly allergic to furry animals, so that is a bit of an obstacle, and the fact that even if I am a country girl at heart, I am also an adventurer and I love the pulse of a big city. I get totally mesmerised by New York City. Like seriously, goose bumps constantly whenever I visit. I will live there some day, at least for a little while.

How did you get started designing clothing?

It all started with me having my first baby girl, Ava. With a background in graphic design and a strong fashion interest, these are what made it all start to move forward.

How would you describe Gardner and the Gang clothing in 5 words?

Quirky, fashion, meaningful, fun, comfortable.

Why does Gardner and the Gang mean? What’s behind the name?

It is named after my daughter Ava, she is named after Ava Gardner. I loved her strong personality and her story . The gang is all the other kids that want in.

What are your sources of inspiration for the line?

I always get inspired in the most unexpected places. A thread through all my designs would be a wish to convey a message to all kids: Do not live with prejudice, open your mind to new cultures, you will learn something. Even if the message is not so obvious I always draw characters that are somewhat outsiders, strong personalities. The message is simple, be yourself: that is as cool as it gets!

What has made you the most proud of what you’re doing?

The fact that children really seem to like wearing my designs.

Your design aesthetic seems perfect for a fun youth line. Do you plan to expand the line?  

Yes, slowly but surely.

When you are all caught up on work, what do you love to do?

I love to do yoga, and to go running with some good tunes in my earphones. Clears my mind. These occasions are very rare though, haha, my life is mostly, kids, work, sleep…

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Thank you so much to Kristin for supporting young artists and the World Wildlife Fund.

If you are interested in buying a shirt visit Gardner and the Gang, the shirts are limited edition!

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Sa Ta Na Ma Meditation

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When I was asked to be one of the hosts for a mindful parenting challenge organized by Bendi Baby, I knew exactly what I wanted to teach — children’s meditation, specifically the Sa Ta Na Ma meditation. I learned this meditation from Shakta Kaur Khalsa with whom I completed my children’s yoga teacher training over ten years ago. Yes, before I had children! At the time I had been practicing yoga for about five years, taking classes in all styles and traditions available around town. I had experienced profound benefits physically, recovering from dance injuries that I had thought would be with me for life, but even more so, I experienced benefits mentally. I knew I wanted to bring my children into a family that would include yoga at its foundation.

Ro practicing the Sa Ta Na Ma meditation. Raglan "All You Need is Love" tee by Pop Kids USA.

Ro practicing the Sa Ta Na Ma meditation. Raglan “All You Need is Love” tee by Pop Kids USA.

Inexperienced in teaching yoga to children, I expected my children to take greater enjoyment from the physical postures (asana) than from meditations. In my experience, most adults find asana more interesting than meditation. I naively expected the same of children, particularly since children often bear the stereotype of having a hard time sitting still. In practicing with my own children, my experience has been the opposite of my expectation; they most enjoy the meditation part of the practice.

Ro in the Na hand position. "Cuter on a Scooter" tank by Pop Kids USA.

Ro in the Na hand position. “Cuter on a Scooter” tank by Pop Kids USA.

I began practicing yoga with Ro soon after her birth, but I didn’t introduce her to meditation until she was almost three. I began with a simple gong meditation, where she would focus on the sound and observe how long she could hear it. She really enjoyed this, and so I decided to take a leap and teach her Sa Ta Na Ma, which is significantly more complicated for a child of that age. After a few minutes working with her she understood the mudra pattern (hand positions) and was happily continuing on all by herself. At first I felt a little regretful that I hadn’t taught it to her sooner, since she was clearly ready. But then I decided to award myself some “mother’s intuition points” instead, telling myself that I had chosen today, because today was the right day. Until around 4 years of age I would have to remind Ro of this meditation in order for her to practice. Then, without my noticing, there came the day when she started doing it on her own, when she felt a need or desire herself, and I haven’t reminded her since.

I will never forget our first parent-teacher interview, when Ro joined public school in Grade 2. Her teacher couldn’t wait to tell us about how she had observed Ro, more than once, meditating during the chaos of recess. She was rather amused by it. I, on the other hand, felt pride, because she had developed a practice she could go to in times of imbalance and overstimulation.

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Ro in the Ta hand position. Organic Zebra shirt by Filemon Kid.

So how does the meditation work? (Please see photos below for visual aid):

Find a comfortable seated position, crossed legs, lotus, or otherwise. The meditation involves 4 hand positions (mudras) that are synchronised with 4 sounds (mantra). Show your child the hand positions first: thumb to pointer finger, thumb to middle finger, thumb to ring finger, thumb to pinky finger. Do a few repetitions through the finger positions. Next add the sounds. Sa (thumb to pointer finger), Ta (thumb to middle finger), Na (thumb to ring finger), Ma (thumb to pinky finger). Complete a few repetitions of the mudras and sounds working together. Once the child is comfortable with this you can ask them to close their eyes and continue. With children who may have a hard time keeping their eyes closed you can place a focus object in front of them, something gentle and soothing like a flower or a soft toy. Start by repeating the sequence for 2 minutes, then gradually lenghten the time; you will probably be pleasantly surprised by how long children can carry on with this meditation.

Sa Ta Na Ma meditation: hand positions and sounds

Sa Ta Na Ma meditation: hand positions and sounds

One variation of the meditation includes starting off quietly then raising the voice slowly with each repetition, and then declining in volume once the chanting has become loud. Another variation is to begin by voicing the sound, slowly becoming quieter until you are simply saying the sound in your mind. There are a number of You Tube videos that demonstrate the meditation and are useful for hearing the tones for each sound, just search “sa ta na ma meditation.”

There is much written about this meditation, from the Kundalini tradition, that suggests the meditation has a balancing effect. I can’t speak authoritatively about the benefits neurologically and psychologically, but I can tell you that this meditation has been very satisfying for Ro and is a practice she comes back to time and again. I can only hope and imagine how this practice will support her through the teenage years and into adulthood when stress and challenges to our inner balance are a daily encounter.

Thank you very much, Bendi Baby, for asking me to participate in this challenge. Please visit Bendi Baby’s Instagram account to find the other challenge hosts and lessons that were shared or check out the hashtag #MindfulMamaBendiBaby.

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Erin Hanson Poet What if you fly poster

What if you fly? An Interview with Erin Hanson

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Last week, a long time Instagram friend, Stephanie Matthew, asked me if I could help her promote a project. She told me about how she had recently read an article about self-esteem in girls, stating that self-esteem peaks at nine years of age and only goes down from there. Stephanie’s thoughts went immediately to her seven year old daughter, who only two hours earlier had been dancing in the driveway with no self-consciousness whatsoever and earlier that same day had worn her plastic princess shoes to the store without a moment’s hesitation. Whether or not the article’s conclusion was perfectly accurate or applicable to all children, Stephanie knew she wanted to do something for her daughters, but also more broadly to help other children and to raise awareness around this issue.

Thinking back on a recent occasions when a few perfect words – “We can do hard things” — had been the motivation her daughters needed to stick with something challenging, like learning to tie shoes, the popular phrase “What if I fall? Oh but my darling, what if you fly?” came to mind. She pictured the words as a dialogue between parent and child. But she also knew these words would suit a nursery room as much as a boardroom wall – they felt universally relevant. Stephanie decided to design a print to hang up for her girls, but she wanted every child to have these motivational words hanging in their home, so she talked to her friend Rebecca who runs Children Inspire Design.

Erin Hanson Poet What if you fly poster

If you haven’t heard of Children Inspire Design you should check them out. They are an online art shop that produces modern, eco-friendly and culturally diverse wall art, inspired by children. Rebecca believes in the importance of global responsibility and in cultivating a love for art and the world’s many cultures, which is why her shop always pairs art with giving. Throughout history art has been a strong and important force for social change, so while the prints Rebecca sells help teach children about important issues, such as caring for the earth, the sales help support women and children around the world by sharing the proceeds with a variety of charities.

While working on the design for the print, Stephanie’s research led her to finding out who had written those 12 profound words. Erin Hanson, is a 19 year old Australian poet, who wrote those now famous words, as part of a longer poem, when she was just 18. Impressed and intrigued by the fact that the words had been written by such a young mind, I sought out contact with Erin and asked her a few questions. Here’s my interview with Erin Hanson:

What do the words mean to you?

They mean a lot, as I’m the kind of person who can quite often back away from the things that I want purely because I’m scared of trying really hard for something and then not reaching it. They’re as much of a personal reminder for me as they are for the other people who read them.

When did you start writing poetry?

I started writing silly little poems when I was around 11, but I didn’t take it seriously until I started my blog in 2011.

What are you inspired by?

Everything! If I had to pick something in particular it would be nature, or more specifically how if you watch it for long enough you realise that its patterns can be related almost directly to the patterns and emotions etc. that exist within a human being.

What motivates you to share your art?

Everyone who’s ever told me that it’s helped them in some way. I know how much words can help people, so if mine have the opportunity to then I’m happy.

Erin Hanson Poet What if you fly poster

Stephanie and Rebecca have partnered to offer a print of Erin’s motivational words. The print is only available for purchase until February 25, 2015. All of the proceeds will go to Free2Luv, an anti-bullying organization dedicated to empowering youth, celebrating individuality and spreading kindness. The limited edition 11×14 print is available for purchase here, and as a thank you Children Inspire Design will include a free 5×7 print with your purchase. The prints are made with eco materials and inks, and the packaging is biodegradable. Check marks all around!

With this project Stephanie hopes to remind her girls and the rest of us that life is magical and that we should always think big – what if  you fly? I think most of us have witnessed the social media community come together around crises and social issues, and I hope Stephanie’s project will be another beautiful instance of community engagement and support.

Erin Hanson Poet What if you fly poster

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On Equality: Explaining Gay Marriage to Children