Social Media Minimalism: How To Balance Instagram and Family Life

March 17, 2016January 4, 20179 Comments

“Life is what happens while you are staring at your smartphone.” – anonymous

A few people have asked me variations on the same question. How do I live slowly when I clearly do so much? How do I stay connected with my children, family and friends, when I’m also very connected to social media, in particular Instagram? I can’t answer all at once, but I thought I would start by sharing how I use Instagram and remain connected and present for my family. I will explain below, but first…

Last night I arrived home a little early from work and from picking up the kids, so rather than jump straight into dinner preparations I sat on the couch to read for a few minutes. Sen was already on the floor building with his blocks and Ro was on the couch knitting. I pulled a magazine from the shelf and opened it to a random page. Leaving things to the universe, I like to think that the page I land on will have information or inspiration that I need in that moment. I landed on an article about Japanese Tea Ceremony relating it to the concepts of presence, mindfulness and ichi-go ichi-e. I usually have a strict policy of not putting forward my own understanding of another culture’s practices, of simplifying something very rich by laying it over my life. But I was struck in the moment that this concept applied so well to me and how it’s easy for me to prioritize my family and children over social media. According to the article, ichi-go ichi-e is a concept suggesting that each encounter is unique and will never be recreated. With this view we can bring greater presence, intention and gratitude to each encounter we have. Not having much of something is often an easy way to appreciate it. Not having much time with my children, I appreciate the time I have. Knowing that this moment with Sen quietly humming and building with blocks, Ro knitting and humming her own tune, me reading and Matt playing with a new musical instrument my sister gave us – this perfect moment will never happen again. I’m breathing it in, not breaking the hum by starting a conversation, and just appreciating these few minutes before dinner begins. This is life.

Before I tell you how I keep my social media use in check, a little more about me might help you understand…

My academic background is in the social history and art historical understanding of photography. In this sense I came to parenthood with a very keen and deep sense of the role of photography in history and in human self-development (sense of identity). Matt and I have always taken a cautious and reserved approach to documenting our lives and the children. We didn’t photograph many major events in our life because of this. Sometimes, admittedly, with regret.

As a parent I have been inspired and deeply influenced by the book Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne. Among other things, Payne advocates limited exposure of children to media and screens. I took this approach to heart and have tried my best to maintain a home and dynamic with my children that minimizes time with screens. That being said, my children do watch shows on an iPad, they see me use my iPhone (which is my phone, camera and computer all in one), because screens are a reality of life, like the newspaper at the front door once was. I try my best to limit it, without at the same time raising my children in a bubble that will inevitably burst.

So…my use of Instagram and social media is heavily influence by my academic studies of photography and particularly its impact on human personality and development and by my alignment with simplicity parenting and the importance of minimizing screens and electronic media for children’s healthy development.

Preamble over –> on to Instagram now.

Instagram is the predominant social network in my life. I also have a Twitter account, which is almost exclusively auto-fed information from my Instagram account and my blog. I have yet to learn how to use Twitter effectively. Probably never will. Don’t really care to. I also have a Facebook account, which I’ve used more in the last year to connect with people I know in real life, since my Instagram account grew too large beyond my circle of friends and family to keep up with.

So, a few details about my life and my Instagram account are important to share and set the stage for how I use social media:

+ I work full time outside of the home

+ My Instagram following is too large to keep track of notifications and new content (a blessing in disguise)

What do these two things mean?

First, working full time outside of the home, a minimum of 40 hours a week, plus my commuting time (by bicycle) to get to and from work, means that I have a lot of time away from my children. My time with the children during the work week is very limited, about an hour in the morning, and about 2 hours at night, during which time I have to do all the parenting duties that come with having children, feed, clothe, bath, homework, which leaves usually about 15-20 minutes of unstructured free time. This means my time with them is precious and I have no interest in wasting it away on Instagram or other social media. But working outside the home means I have plenty of time during the work week on my break time to engage in social media.

Second, my Instagram account has grown to such a size that I cannot keep up with the notifications that come in. I could be slightly off on the exact number, but basically Instagram will only provide you with the last 100 notifications related to you (notifications are the likes and comments others have left on your photos or in response to comments you left on other photos). I used to be able to open Instagram once or twice a day and not miss any news in my notifications, I could easily see when someone replied to a comment I left them and then go back to continue the conversation. This was because when I signed in I would have 20-40 notifications. Now that my account is much larger I easily have 100 notifications every hour. If I’ve just posted something new I will have 100 notifications in 5 or 6 minutes. In order to stay on top of the notifications I would have to open Instagram many times an hour not to miss anything. (Perhaps there’s an app out there that tracks expired notifications but I haven’t bothered to look and wouldn’t want it anyway).

My Instagram account grew fairly steadily (except for the two times that Instagram added my name to the Suggested User List). I was able to manage the notifications at first; I would check in three times a day, then four times a day as my following size grew. But after a certain point it was impossible to keep on top of the notifications. For example, when I woke up in the morning there would always be 100 new notifications in my feed, which meant I necessarily missed some news. At first I was little stressed, thinking I could have missed an important message from a friend or that possibly I was rude for not answering someone. But when I stepped back for a moment, I realized there was no reasonable way to control any of this and that my real friends wouldn’t drop out of my life if I missed an Instagram comment. I certainly wasn’t about to wake up during the night to make sure I didn’t miss anything! So, I conceded that I couldn’t stay on top of the news. And then realized that this was actually a freedom.

Freedom.

Freedom to check in on Instagram only when I felt like it. Freedom from the tyranny of notifications (overstatement, I know) and from keeping up with all the new content.

Since this time, I’ve had a much less engaged relationship with Instagram. There are trade-offs for not being on Instagram and constantly liking and commenting on others photos, or replying to comments: I don’t get as many likes on my photos, I lose followers and I don’t get new ones as quickly. But this doesn’t bother me, because the gains are far greater: lack of stress related to keeping up and greater presence during family time. And, my enjoyment, experience, engagement and connection to the Instagram community has not been adversely affected.

So, here is how I use Instagram:

Because I work full time outside the home, I have many hours away from the children each day. I use my break times at work to post to Instagram, to check in on others accounts or to reply to questions. This way I’m not using Instagram when my children are around. When I’m with them I’m either doing parent and household tasks or playing with them. I save Instagramming for breaks at work. I post on the weekends when they are asleep or playing with friends. It’s that simple.

A few other things:

I do not have the notifications turned on. Never have.
I do not worry about missing a post from a friend.
I do not worry about seeing, liking and commenting on all of my friends and others photos coming through my Instagram feed.
I do not scroll through the Instagram feed each day, usually only once a week. Sometimes less often, really.
When I sign into Instagram, I will choose a few friends or accounts to visit and I will catch up on their photos that way.
I do not use my time to reply to and thank people for every comment made on my photos. I try my best to answer questions and particularly thoughtful comments, but I know that I definitely miss some. C’est la vie! That’s life!

Taking Photos.

Photography is a big part of Instagramming, so I thought I’d share how I incorporate photography into my children’s life. First, I use an iPhone for photography, which is great for it being small and much less conspicuous than a conventional DSLR camera – you can take photos in a way children often don’t take notice of.

Clearly, however, even with an iPhone camera, my children are aware of the device and its presence in their lives. I do not photograph my children as much as it may seem. In the late fall and winter I very rarely take photos. If I look at my camera roll now, until very recently I had only taken photos of them 3 times since December. I do a lot of recycling. I pull old photos that I never shared or repost favourites with new captions. During the more temperate seasons in late spring, summer, and early fall I do photograph the children more often, but only when they are unaware or okay with it. My style of photography and the photos I like are un-posed, organic and capture something authentic, in this sense my photography excels when the children aren’t aware that I’m taking pictures. I also make a clear decision not to photograph them every day or to capture all their moments in digital form. I can write more on this in a subsequent post if there is interest.

There you have it: a little social media minimalism for you. You really don’t need to be on social media all the time to stay connected and engaged in a community, you won’t lose real friends or real community. Maybe some fickle people will leave you behind. You don’t need them! As I have experienced, I can still find lots of inspiration by way of images, captions and conversation on Instagram without having to digest it all. I haven’t lost any real friends for it or my sense of being supported by a virtual tribe of like-minded people. You can design your relationship with social media to be what you need and what adds to your life, rather than letting it suck away the time in your life.

What can you do if you are a stay at home parent?

If you are a parent who is home with children many hours a day and would like to scale back the amount of time you spend on social media, try adapting my approach to your situation. Pretend you can only use Instagram during your break time (when the children nap?). Resist the urge to photograph every milestone and day of their life. Just be in the moment and use your grey matter to remember things. Old school style! Or, try to be okay with letting the memory fade. If I’m an example of sorts, you can definitely capture enough photos of your child’s life by taking photos once or twice a week (or less), you don’t need to take photos every single day just because you can.

On the topic of living slowly while also having a busy life, I talked about this in a guest post for Ruth & Ragnar. In the post I talk about slow living and how I incorporate a slow focus into my busy, hustled days, in particular where and when I choose to be busy or choose to be slow and present. Read it here.

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Ottawa Meetup

July 6, 20154 Comments

I have come into contact with so many kind, creative and inspirational people through the Instagram community. People from all over Canada, North America, and the world. I know that some of you are local to me, and so the time has come, I want to meet you in person!

Please join Ro, Sen and me for an informal picnic and play at Vincent Massey park. This is large park, with grassy fields, trees and boulders to climb, clean bathrooms, fountains, barbecues and picnic tables. Situated near the river and some nice lookouts (no safe access to play in the river though). The idea is to meet in a casual way and connect in the real world, let our kids play, and have some good conversation. Photo taking is totally optional!

When: Thursday July 9th, 2015, from 10:30 am-1 pm, easy come, easy go

Where: Vincent Massey Park, see map here, we will be set up around S2 area, more information about the park is here

Who: Everyone is welcome

I would recommend each person bring water and snacks for themselves and their children. Please feel welcome, but not obliged, to bring something to share. There are picnic tables where potluck items can be placed. Lots of parking is available and close to where we will be set up. Parking rates are $1 for 30 minutes up to daily maximum of $7.25.

Please send me an email or leave a comment below if you are interested in meeting up. While my inclination is to keep things minimal, simple food and free play, it may also be nice to have something special to mark the event. Please be in touch!

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You might also like my post: Interview with a Minimalist: Kylah of Seasonally Nourished

You might also like post: The Love More Stories

The Love More Stories

May 13, 20156 Comments

A few months ago I was asked to contribute a story to a collection that would be called The Love More Stories. At the time I didn’t know of The Love More Shop or the kind woman, Amanda, who ran it. But I said yes, because, well, she had me at the title. The book was released last week just in time to give Mother’s Day a little bit of extra celebration this year.

The Love More Stories is an e-book of 15 personal stories written by mothers about learning to love more, whether it was loving themselves more, their children more, their partner more, someone or something else more. The stories are honest, some very raw, inspiring and enlightening. I am truly honoured to be in a collection full of such wise stories words written by some very inspiring women.

My story talks about our decision to have only one child, based on the idea of loving the earth more, by taking less from it, but also based on a surprising admission from my husband. Here’s a little excerpt:

“My heart still wanted that big family, so I began to talk about adoption, which I thought Matt would agree to since it wouldn’t bring new people into the world. And this is when I got an answer I never ever expected. ‘Danielle, I love Ro so much there is just no way that I could ever love another child as much. I would never forgive myself for having a second child in the family that I didn’t love as much. That child would know, they would feel the lack of love. And if by some crazy stroke of fate I did love that second child as much as I love Ro, then I would certainly have to rob Ro of some of my love.’ I could see the calculus of love floating in thought bubbles above his head. Like any resource, there is a finite amount. In a family you only have so much time to share among its members, there’s only so much food in the fridge and bedrooms in your home. Who was I to say, naively, that there would be enough love to go around? When I thought about the woman living in the apartment below us, who had 19 children (yes, nineteen), I thought Matt’s right, there is no way she loves any one of those children as much as we love our one child. This was without any poor judgment of her, it was pure math, pure logic. And so, once again, I conceded to Matt’s view. It would be one child for us. Logically, I knew he was right, but I’d be lying if I said my heart was happy about it.”

There’s an interesting twist in the story that brought us to our two children, but you’ll have to get the e-book to read how our story unfolded.

***

As the collection came together, and I got to know Amanda a little better, I wanted to interview her to share her story and get the word out about her project with the Love More Shop. I love hearing from women who have been able to follow their passion as mothers. If you ask me, that is living the dream.

What part of the world do you live in?

I live in the beautiful state of Oregon. After six years in Portland I just recently moved my little family back to Hood River, where I grew up an hour east of Portland.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

Theodore (who goes by many nicknames but I call him Theo) is pushing two years old. He is a happy, energetic, and curious little guy. He loves to play outside and is obsessed with trains, nursing, spaghetti, and dancing. I’ve never seen a baby bust a move the way he does and I love it. He is turning into a toddler now and I love seeing the ways he changes and grows each day. When you are a parent you notice all the “unnoticable” things. “Oh he has never walked up that slope without falling!” “That’s the first time he said “R” like that!” I didn’t expect to notice as much as I do before becoming a mother. He takes all of my energy and he is amazing.

Graham is my seven year old step son. He is mature beyond his years and has a wisdom that most kids his age don’t. My partner, Isaac, raised him on his own for the first three years of his life so they have a special bond. Being a stepparent is far more challenging than I ever expected but I have also learned more than I ever imagined. Through him I am learning that I can’t hide from my pain or my shortcomings. Through him I am learning that the only way out is deeper in, enveloped in a blanket of love. Through him I am learning what it means to be a true and vulnerable woman.

I could write a book about our experiences navigating the waters of step parenting and dealing with the pain caused by his birth mother because it’s been a huge part of our life for the past three years, maybe someday I will.

What are your core family values?

To be kind and loving. We are broken people that have felt what darkness really feels like – something I am grateful for because we haven’t been destroyed and each day that we live an honest life we discover that we won’t ever be destroyed by it. We try our best to be kind, good people even if that means we are going to be uncomfortable or that we aren’t going to get what we want; that’s our goal each day.

How do you spend most of your days?

I spend most of my days trying to figure out how to do this mom thing well. Our life has been chaotic for the past three years. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of transition and change, a lot of disappointment to move through. I crave routine and structure and I think it’s on the horizon with our move to make a better life for our family and our new home.

I stay home with Theo and run my shop the best I can while he sleeps. We spend a lot of our time at the park, library, cooking, taking multiple baths a day, and going on walks.

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

Now that we are in the new house we like to work out in the yard together. Planting our garden and making our home our home. We like to go to the park, having dance parties, building forts, sitting down for dinner together, and going out for coffee and donuts or pizza. Snuggling up to watch a movie together is also a favorite.

What are you passionate about?

Motherhood, living simply and well, natural childbirth, documenting my family, design.

What inspires you?

Other mothers being honest and real. Other mothers embodying their values and beliefs.

Water is something I need when I want to feel inspired or connected. A bath, a shower, walk by the river, float on a lake, listening to the rain. Water grounds and inspires me.

Did your career aspirations change once you had a child?

Definitely. I have always wanted to be a mother and when I got pregnant I knew I wouldn’t want to return to working away from home. I was a designer and I didn’t want to go back into that world unless it was doing something that I truly believed in. Even then, I was not about to leave my baby with someone else both because I just didn’t want to and childcare is too expensive for what designers make around here.

So things shifted and are still shifting. I am hoping that design can weave it’s way back into my life in the near future. We will see!

What is The Love More Shop and why did you start it?

The Love More Shop is a brand that reminds people to love their family, friends, and world more each day because creating empathetic, kind, whole human beings starts in a loving home. Our shirts remind each other to love a little more each day – because there is ALWAYS more love and sweetness to give.

A portion of proceeds goes toward sending parents out on dates to nurture their love with the idea that creating a loving home starts with united and loving parents. When our baby boy was a few months old our friends gave us $100 to go out on a date. It was such a thoughtful and unexpected gesture that really touched our hearts. We were broke but desperately needed some time out together and to escape one evening for a couple of hours together. (We pretended we didn’t know each other and drank too much.) Love More had been my mantra for a few years and then I thought “well why not print it on shirts and see if I can sell them and give back in someway.” I wanted to find a way to give back that was authentic to me and a little different and what our friends did for us inspired me to help other parents have a night out together. So, each time the Love Fund reaches $100 we donate that money to one sweet couple to go out together and nurture their relationship.

It’s small and I know that giving people cash to go on on date together won’t heal the world. But it’s something and it starts a conversation and hopefully when people see the shirts being worn it will inspire them to love a little more.

What is the Love More Stories book all about? And why did you want to publish it?

I started a series on the blog in September called The Love More Letters. They are short love letters written by about a dozen mothers who wanted to participate. Then I thought it would be nice to collect longer stories to put together an e-book that would inspire mothers to love more in their own lives or celebrate the ways they already do. I love reading other peoples experiences when they come from an honest and vulnerable space. I can feel what they feel. I am tired of the judgment and shaming of how mothers choose to raise their children. There needs to be more acceptance and empathy and my hope is that sharing simple stories will help build understanding and community.

How can people buy the Love More Stories?

On our website right here.

What are your dreams for the Love More Shop and your family?

My dream is for the Love More Shop to grow into a movement of some kind and a business that can help provide for my family. I want to be sending a couple out on a date each week! Wouldn’t that be awesome!? I also don’t plan on simply selling shirts forever and I think the e-book is the start to growing into something bigger.

Be sure to visit the Love More Shop to read the Love More Letters and to see what else Amanda is up to. You can also follow Amanda on Instagram @thelovemoreshop.

A Wild and Beautiful Life: Inspiring Mother Jessica

May 6, 20152 Comments

It definitely takes a lot talent to style and construct a photo well. But it takes a whole other kind of talent and vision to see and capture the beauty of what is already right there in front of you. Perhaps, the most beautiful thing to observe is real human connection, whether this connection is with another human or another species. I think most of us have felt this sort of connection at least once, for some of us we feel this daily. These connections with others are constantly happening between people around us, but it takes patience and a keen intuition to catch a glimpse.

Today, I’m sharing my interview with Jessica Lindgren-Wu, a mother, partner, former dancer, and photographer. When you see Jessica’s photos it is immediately obvious she is an artist. Her photos are among the best I have encountered not only on Instagram and VSCO, but more broadly in the world of contemporary photographers capturing childhood, real childhood. Her photos are at once beautiful and gritty, energetic and calm. In many ways she reminds me of Sally Mann, one of the world’s most famous (and, yes, controversial) photographers, known best for her work photographing her children. To me, the magic in Mann’s photographs lies in how well they display the connection Mann has with her children. It is clear she spent thousands of hours with her children, observing them as their lives, their play, their emotions naturally unfolded. This magic is what I see in Jessica’s work. There is something very pure, very authentic, very genuine about her photography. But more than that, her photos could only have been taken by a mother, a parent, a caregiver, who is deeply connected with h/er children.

I have never been someone who enjoys a photograph for the technical skill it displays or the beauty of the subject alone. There has to be another layer that tells a broader story or conveys a larger message. For me, Jessica’s photographs are technically and aesthetically beautiful, but most importantly they tell a simple but all-important story of slowing down, connecting to each other and to the moment, and being content. Now, that is a beautiful life.

What part of the world do you live in?

We live in a Suburb to London, England.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

I have four boys.

K is 15. He is an incredible focused, caring and self-motivated young man. His plans and dreams for his life are elaborate and thought thru. He is studying 3D design at college since September. He builds computers and free climbs in his spare time. K likes cooking and making yummy veggie curries. He clears tables in a local restaurant on Saturday nights to pay off a loan from me for computer parts. We are amazed at his size as he has outgrown every family member. K is like a big, kind bear. I love that he still hugs me tight every day, and hope he never stops giving his mum a squeeze.

T is a super social, fast talking, deep thinking and kind 12 year old. He is a self-taught gymnast and does some crazy flips. At the moment he is practicing a 720 backflip. He collects fossils and gem stones and other curiosa, like animal bones. He deeply dislikes competition, and arguments and is known to solve conflicts with the most unusual techniques. T reads a lot of manga comics and is learning Japanese, so he can catch the new episodes on-line as they become available in Japan first.

E is a sparkling 7 year old who loves life. He plays hard and plays well. He has intense periods of creative outbursts. One month it is drawing. He can sit for hours producing drawing after drawing. The next month is lego, and he builds whole lands on his bedroom floor, the next it might be robots, minecraft, dragons and recently he discovered skylanders. I swear I can see his brain grow at these times. I adore his focus and intensity. He announced he taught himself to read just before christmas, and indeed he did. He loves music and has some great moves, including a great shoulder spin.

S is 3, and a half. That half is very important. He can’t wait to grow up. He feels a lot, in that passionate three year old way. He is great fun and likes playing with his brothers and friends. S is full of superhero tales and eye twinkling mischief and tells me his tales with the most endearing facial expressions. He has some amazing lego building skills for his age. S likes animals a lot, especially pigs.

What are your core family values?

Our core family values come from my husband and my own personal experiences, our humanist values and our belief in freedom and creative problem solving. We aim to find common preference and try our best to meet every family members needs and wants without judgement at all times. This is of course hard at times and with so many individuals to consider, but for us it is worth the extra effort and very much what we strive to get better at daily. Of course with freedom comes respect for others at all times, just so you don’t think it is utter chaos or kids running disrespectful riot.

How do you spend most of your days?

Every day is different. We are a very flowing family with somewhat unusual, very flexible timetables. We have a loose weekly plan and daily commitments that we plan our projects, wants and needs around. We spend most days together. I personally look after the home, cook and help facilitate the boys life and learning for the biggest part of the day. I do make time daily for some essential self nurturing.

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

We spend a lot of time outdoors. Hanging by the sea, or in a woodland, is something every family member enjoys.

What are you passionate about?

Freedom, equality, creativity and life.

What inspires you?

Love, nature, people, art and truth.

Visit Jessica online at her website WildWuzle.com, on VSCO or Instagram.

Magic Feathers

April 29, 201512 Comments

Last September Kristin, the owner and designer behind the kids organic clothing line, Gardner and the Gang, decided to hold a children’s art competition. Children were encouraged to submit drawings under the theme for her SS15 collection: Magic and Rock ‘n’ Roll. The winning drawing, chosen through open voting, would be incorporated into the SS15 collection.

I loved the spirit behind Kristin’s competition, encouraging children to draw and supporting young artists to pursue their passion. I talked to Ro about it and she decided to submit her Magic Feathers drawing that she had drawn as part of her daily drawing project. The drawing itself had been inspired by a photograph that Kirsten Rickert had shared on Instagram. Isn’t it lovely the way the Instagram community knits itself together, connecting people across vast distances in these beautiful ways?

Initially, Kristin had planned on donating the profits of the shirt sales to support access for children to art lessons – a very worthy investment I would have to say. The value of art education should not be underestimated. When Ro wrote to Kristin about her inspiration for the drawing and her passion for protecting animals, Kristin decided to invest the money in another way: to protect endangered animals. This is what both Ro and I are most excited about, the shirts are symbolic of a greater cause and will hopefully inspire conversations between parents and children about animal protection.

This morning on the way to school I told Ro that her shirt design was for sale on the Gardner and the Gang website. She replied: “Mom, I’m just so happy that I drew that picture, because so many animals will be saved.” My heart is so proud.

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I have an inquiring mind and so I asked Kristin a few questions about herself, the competition and her clothing line. And, now, I can see why she was swayed by Ro’s love for all animals.

Why did you hold a children’s art competition?

I thought it was a nice idea to involve the people I design for and make it a fun happening. If we can help encourage children to use their artistic talent then that is a good thing and such a good feeling too.

What is the plan for the money earned from sales of the Magic Feathers shirt?

We will donate all the revenue from the sales to a cause chosen by Ro. In this case we will adopt endangered animals through WWF (the World Wildlife Fund).

What is your background, where did you grow up, what did you study?

I am from Sweden, I grew up in the countryside close to animals and nature. I have studied media communication, visual communication, photography and graphic design. My degree is in Visual communication.

What did you want to be when you were a child?

I had all sorts of dreams, but the main one was to have a huge farm. However, I have always been terribly allergic to furry animals, so that is a bit of an obstacle, and the fact that even if I am a country girl at heart, I am also an adventurer and I love the pulse of a big city. I get totally mesmerised by New York City. Like seriously, goose bumps constantly whenever I visit. I will live there some day, at least for a little while.

How did you get started designing clothing?

It all started with me having my first baby girl, Ava. With a background in graphic design and a strong fashion interest, these are what made it all start to move forward.

How would you describe Gardner and the Gang clothing in 5 words?

Quirky, fashion, meaningful, fun, comfortable.

Why does Gardner and the Gang mean? What’s behind the name?

It is named after my daughter Ava, she is named after Ava Gardner. I loved her strong personality and her story . The gang is all the other kids that want in.

What are your sources of inspiration for the line?

I always get inspired in the most unexpected places. A thread through all my designs would be a wish to convey a message to all kids: Do not live with prejudice, open your mind to new cultures, you will learn something. Even if the message is not so obvious I always draw characters that are somewhat outsiders, strong personalities. The message is simple, be yourself: that is as cool as it gets!

What has made you the most proud of what you’re doing?

The fact that children really seem to like wearing my designs.

Your design aesthetic seems perfect for a fun youth line. Do you plan to expand the line?

Yes, slowly but surely.

When you are all caught up on work, what do you love to do?

I love to do yoga, and to go running with some good tunes in my earphones. Clears my mind. These occasions are very rare though, haha, my life is mostly, kids, work, sleep…

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Thank you so much to Kristin for supporting young artists and the World Wildlife Fund.

If you are interested in buying a shirt visit Gardner and the Gang, the shirts are limited edition!

Wit and Wisdom from Inspiring Mother Nelly

April 24, 20158 Comments

Today’s inspiring mother is equal parts wit and wisdom. I’ll be honest I started following Nelly because her captions were just too good. She has a great sense of humour and real talent for conveying the hilarious situations and conversations parents and children get themselves into. I would follow her even if she posted photos of white walls with captions. She’s that good. That’s not to discount her photography, because the woman can take beautiful photos.

I’m really glad I got the chance to ask Nelly a few questions about her parenting, her kids and her passions, because (well, besides getting lots of funny words out of her –- my hidden agenda) she shared some wise words too; words that could only come from a parent who is really connected and engaged with their children and is deeply self-reflective. Nelly’s perspective really shows an appreciation for what we can learn from living with and really observing children, in particular with regard to kindness and forgiveness.

What part of the world do you live in?

I live in a small riverside village on the east coast of England, about an hour from London, along with most of my deeply dysfunctional, big, hilarious, buffet loving family. My village has strong roots in music and art, as well as some keen ping-pongers. It’s basically full of hippies and unintentional hipsters (who could no sooner define the word than they could give up their allotment). I can safely say it’s one of the weirdest places on earth. Also, you’re not worth shit if you don’t have a boat. And I don’t have a boat.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

I have two daughters, Cecily (5) and Lorelei (2). I see threads of similarity between them; an innocent awkwardness that they share, but by and large they are very different creatures.

Cecily is an introvert, a little shy and anxious at times, but very quirky and completely full of love. She has the most beautiful soul; I can’t imagine a kinder person. Every morning she calmly sits up at the table (whilst I desperately try to get us all ready) and quietly makes a gift for someone she was worried about the day before. She chooses art and craft above all activities, quietly gathering things and making small but independent little choices. She can be very misunderstood (quiet people often are) but to me she is a tiger: stoic, brave, both playful and solitary, and hugely protective of people in the face of injustice or adversity.

Lorelei is a whirlwind. An all singing, dancing, laughing, idiosyncratic, strange little whirlwind. She relishes human interaction, eye contact, and is very tactile. She wears her feelings very externally; she’s as bold, open, and free as an ocean; but is weakened greatly at the hands of unkindness, and feels rejection deeply. She brought light and laughter into our lives after some very dark years. She is my little elixir.

I also have two cats, three chickens, and two tortoises. But I like them a lot less than I like my kids.

What are your core family values?

Kindness and joy are two fundamentals. I want my children to laugh every single day of their lives. We sing and dance and talk silly all day long, even when I’m in pain or unhappy. Having fun is so important, but never at the expense of kindness. We talk always about ways to be kind and caring to family, friends, strangers, the environment, animals…. even to people who are unkind to us. I’m learning a great deal from them too (children are without judgement, and are incredibly forgiving). I applaud their kindness above all else.

Respecting and enjoying who they are, and being patient and understanding with them; are things that both also mean a lot to me, and things that I need to constantly work on; as a parent.

How do you spend most of your days?

Acting like a bunch of dorks. Often half naked. We read, draw, make dens, dance, cook. We talk about poo a lot. Like, a LOT. Standard. In the summer we do all of the above, just outdoors (I want to say apart from the half naked bit, but that wouldn’t be strictly true). We also see friends most days; we have some real good ones.

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

We love snacking, and we love nature, so snacking in nature really floats our boats. Picnics in woods, by the river, at the beach, that’s how we roll. We also love camping (which sits well within the aforementioned favourites). My hope is for us to one day travel a lot as a family too.

What are you passionate about?

I’m a very political person, so to save you all the tedium of hearing about my various opinions on education, healthcare, equality, the environment, foreign affairs etc, I’ll simply say ‘politics’. I also read like a motherflipper.

What inspires you?

Cliché alert: my children. Unequivocally and without apology, they are the best people I have ever met.

Thank you, Nelly, for indulging me with your witty answers and sharing your reflections on parenting.

Readers: Nelly’s blog, poetically entitled Mother, Lover, Wanker, is a must read. She doesn’t publish often, but when she does you don’t want to miss it. You can also follow Nelly on Instagram @nellyrandall.

Creative Mother Kaity Ferrell

April 6, 201511 Comments

Today I am launching a new series of interviews with creative mothers. Mothers who have started their own business, mothers who are artists, mothers who live a creative lifestyle. These are women whose passions line up with the work they do each day. The thing about passions is the you have that feeling that the energy you are putting into them is contributing something valuable to the world and to the lives of others.

Like a cliché come to life, once I had children my priorities completely changed. No longer did my passions lie in a career pursued outside the home, my passions were right there in front of me, making messes, asking questions, and giving endless snuggles. Living in Canada, I am fortunate to have been able to stay home with each child for a year. But if it had been financially viable, I wouldn’t have gone back to work. I would have stayed home with them until they were in school full days or maybe longer. Who knows, maybe I would have homeschooled them?! I still hold out hope that I might be able to craft a life where I spend my work hours doing something I enjoy and feel passionate about, and so I am drawn especially to women who have been able to do this for themselves.

I am excited to have Kaity Ferrell as my first first creative mother feature. Kaity is the owner of Fare Isle, a small business that focuses on farm to table foods, skin care and wellness products. All Fare Isle products are made by hand from her organic garden and wild harvesting. I met Kaity through Instagram and was first drawn to her because she posted the most beautiful and scrumptious vegan food dishes. She is more than a chef though, everything Kaity touches becomes beautiful. To me Kaity is an artist who plays with plays with food, flowers, colour and texture to create a feast for the senses.

As I got to know Kaity, I was also inspired by her as a mother and as a person. She seems to have curated a balanced life for herself, filled with family, friends, creativity and passion. Her life is not about the things she has accumulated, but about the experiences she fosters for family and friends. As a mother she is giving her son many gifts: her presence, her love and the foundation of a life cultivating and cherishing moments.

Enough of me talking, read on to hear from Kaity, herself.

What part of the world do you live in?

Nantucket, a magical faraway island situated 26 miles off the coast of Cape Cod in Massachusetts. I feel so blessed to call this place home.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

My partner and I have one son, Iley, who turns 4 this summer. Iley is a bright-eyed curious playful boy. He loves food and will eat almost anything we make, and loves to help with the cooking. I would say his favorite activities are riding his balance bicycle, building with legos, and treasure hunting in the forest. He has a contagious belly laugh and those hazel eyes of his are always full of mischief.

What are your core family values?

Honesty is important to us. My partner and I try to instill in Iley to be truthful always. This quote always sticks with me, “Truth is an offense but not a sin”, not to say that speaking the truth is always an offense, but that it is better to speak the truth and risk offense than to lie. Togetherness, family time is so important to us. Kindness is equally as important; kindness to all beings and to the earth.

How do you spend most of your days?

I work from home on a flexible schedule, thankfully. My partner and I rise and make a cup of tea before Iley wakes up. Then we make breakfast and work while Iley plays. Iley and I run our daily errands midday and then try to sneak in an afternoon adventure outdoors, weather permitting. We make and eat dinner early. We head out to watch the sunset from the beach when we can and then return home and have quiet time in the evening. I usually work some more at night after Iley falls asleep.

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

We love family walks to the beach from our house and also family bike rides in the summer.

What are you passionate about?

I’m a passionate foodie at heart. I love developing recipes and styling and photographing them for my blog.

What inspires you?

The sea – whenever I am feeling stuck I head straight to the ocean and the salty sea air, the sound of the surf and the sand between my toes always clears my mind. I will forever be in awe of a fiery sunset and a rainbow after the rain. The incredible work of honey bees amazes me-since becoming a hobby beekeeper and watching them work around the garden I just cannot believe what they accomplish. The scent of my son’s head gives me tingles all over and I hope that never changes-what magic is this!? The beauty of a just picked tree-ripened peach, its juice running from my mouth after the first bite is pure heaven. Basically everything in nature inspires me and i am grateful to live in a place surrounded by natural beauty. I’m not sure I could make it as a city dweller.

Did your career aspirations change once you had a child?

I wouldn’t say they changed, but rather I gained the confidence to go after them and make them reality.

What is Fare Isle and why did you decide to start your own business?

Fare Isle is a culmination of what I love: sustainable living, growing food, herbs and flowers, making small batch foods and body products by hand, and sharing our recipes and stories on the blog. I’m doing what I’ve always wanted and am happy. And to be able to share this all with our customers, followers and friends is more than I could ever have dreamed.

What are your dreams for your business?

I am focusing more energy on developing recipes and writing in hopes to move my business more toward freelance work and writing a cookbook. That’s what I really love to do the most. I would also love to host destination workshops on the island; an idea that has been floating around in my brain for some time now, and I would love to make it happen this summer. We’ll see!

Visit Kaity on Instagram @fareisle and check out her website and recipe blog.

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Strawberry Picking

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Inspiring Mother Josie: @josie.hendrick

March 29, 20153 Comments

I have had this post ready to go for about three weeks now, but each time I thought of posting it, I hesitated. Something told me I hadn’t captured Josie just right. It is hard to describe Josie and do her justice. There are the obvious things, like the elegance of her gallery — full of sandy beaches and blue skies, the smiles of her sweet daughter, and everyday scenes captured beautifully. Less obvious is the gentle mama and friend wisdom she passes on in her understated captions. Josie comes across as that no drama friend, who always seems to know just what to say, without being preachy or a know-it-all, and probably without knowing just how wise she is. The kind of person we all need in our life. Josie’s effect is cumulative. If you don’t instantly love her, you certainly will over time. She’s a keeper.

Side note: Josie should be a tourism ambassador for the UK, I mean who knew there were gorgeous beaches like this?!

What part of the world do you live in?

We live in Bournemouth, Dorset which is on the south west coast of England and apparently is one of the sunniest spots in the country, something I definitely appreciate whether it’s actually true or not! It’s the most beautiful spot to raise a family, with miles of sandy beaches and forests and open countryside within easy reach. For someone who loves being outside it’s a perfect place to live, I’m very glad we moved from London.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

We have one daughter, Amelie, she’s nearly three and if I had to describe her in three words I would probably say: affectionate, passionate and chatty! She talks constantly to herself, to us, to random passers by. It’s definitely one of the reasons why this age is my favourite so far, she’s such a joy to be around and her natural curiosity and wonder at the world is rather awe inspiring to watch, and helps when I try to be patient with the thousandth ‘why?’ of the hour 😉

What are your core family values?

Be kind and compassionate. For me that’s the root of everything. That doesn’t mean you float around never getting irritated and being happy all the time, just that you approach everything you do and everyone you meet with an open heart. I know that sounds a bit cheesy, it just seems that in this modern life there’s a tendency for people to be anxious, defensive and closed off. Even if we all want to connect to others and be happy, the frantic pace of things seems to get in the way and create a tension that we don’t always know how to ease. I, like all parents, want my child to be happy and while I think you never can know what life will throw at you, if you can be compassionate to yourself and other people you will generally be more contented and find life’s ups and downs easier to handle.

How do you spend most of your days?

We potter at home a lot, Amelie likes playing by herself and I’m working on doing up this big, old somewhat dilapidated house of ours on a budget, so we’re quite busy working alongside each other on our own little creative projects. We also spend as much time as we can at the beach or the park and in the garden. Compared to London where we just had a tiny concrete garden, there’s so much accessible open space and sand in Bournemouth we take advantage of it a lot!

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

We like little trips to pretty local spots but we also just spend a lot of time at the beach together. The good thing about this age is that she’s not easily bored and is happy with a bucket and spade and some sand. We’re also big fans of finding a nice pub after breathing in some fresh sea air, and relaxing with a good glass of wine.

What are you passionate about?

A lot! I’m quite a passionate, emotional person so it doesn’t take much to have me talking animatedly. It’s funny how since becoming a mother I’ve had both so little time to think about myself and yet so much. I’ve never thought more about what matters to me, and what’s irrelevant to the bigger picture than in the past 3 years or so. In essence I’d say I’m passionate about trying to live as authentic a life as possible. Living according to my values and bringing up my daughter to be a good, kind person who follows her heart and trusts her own instincts. And enjoying all that life has to offer in all its glory. There is always fun to be had and I like enjoying life. Although, I think it can be so hard sometimes to live a good life. It’s like we’re all a bit worried it might pass us by and we want to make sure we’re living it well, or at least seeming to so that we keep up with the Joneses. I feel like being authentic is the real ticket to living well and it’s through that we can see what we want to change in our own lives and the lives of others.

What inspires you?

In essence I’d say, photography, the sea, my daughter, and noticing the little things, the silver linings that are so easy to miss but make life all the more vivid and beautiful.

Thank you Josie for sharing your wise words and beautiful photos. Readers please visit Josie on Instagram @josie.hendrick.

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Inspiring Mother Sara: @me_and_orla

March 19, 20157 Comments

Themes are starting to emerge across my inspiring mothers series. Slow, connected living. Time spent with family and friends outdoors and being creative. Minimalism and simplicity — which I don’t consider to be the same, but both imply figuring out what is important in life and focusing our energy there. Today’s inspiring mother, Sara Tasker, is someone who exemplifies simplicity.

When I first encountered Sara her world seemed totally foreign to me. Foreign in the best kind of way. Sara lives with her partner and their daughter in the countryside, on a continent across the ocean from my own. The town they live in and their pace of life seems idyllic, and contrasts sharply with my own fast-paced life as an urbanite living in the downtown of my country’s capital city. The bubbling busyness of a big city can be invigorating, but when you feel as though you can’t escape the fast-pace, rather than it energizing you, it can become a drain. No matter our circumstance I think most of us need opportunities for respite. Looking at Sara’s life in photos is definitely visual therapy — the view out her window onto a rolling hill, light and shadow falling across a table — it is my respite.

Over time, I got to reading Sara’s blog, getting to know her a little better and found that we share more than I had expected. We are foreigners geographically, but not as people. Sara, too, is seeking a life of greater simplicity. Wait…what? I thought she had already arrived at destination Simplicity? Looking at her pace of life and her simple home, how can things be simpler? And yet, I learned that Sara was focused on finding ways to simplify her life. I thought about my own life and my own home — people have suggested to me that I have found simplicity (as if it is something you can find…). People have said, for example, that my home is “so sparse” and expressed astonishment that Ro only takes one class outside of formal school. These sorts of comments never fail to surprise me, because from my perspective our home is cluttered and I still wonder if ballet twice a week leaves Ro with enough down time. Like many things, simplicity is relative. And, like many pursuits, the path is long, and most likely the destination is never reached.

Sara still exemplifies simplicity to me, but she also reminds me that we are each on a path, that we are always arriving, and yet, never arrive, and that is exactly where I should be.

What part of the world do you live in?

We live in a little village in West Yorkshire, England, tucked away in a valley between steep green hills. It has a pub, a post box and no shops – unless you count the man who sells his eggs with an honesty box! We moved here last summer from the city, & it’s a dream come true.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

So far, we have one daughter, Orla, who is 2. She is fierce and independent and sharp, but also the most naturally sweet and thoughtful person I know. She’s sunshine and thunder clouds, all at once, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

What are your core family values?

Respect is a big one – my partner, Rory and I both work with young people with learning disabilities, so for us it’s unthinkable to dismiss someone’s wants or needs simply because they are less able to understand. I try my best to never say or do anything to Orla that I wouldn’t to Rory – not treating her like an adult, but treating her as an equal.

We’re also working hard as a family to live more simply, and keep clutter and materialism at bay; investing in memories instead of ‘stuff’.

How do you spend most of your days?

Three days a week I work, driving a fairly long commute with Orla, and arriving home in the evening with just enough time for dinner and bedtime. I’m getting increasingly busy with Instagram & blog related work, too, which is wonderful, but often means my evenings are spent working at the computer alone. The rest of the time I try to make up for this by living slowly – baking, walking, cooking, playing with Orla. We spend a lot of time in bed, even in the day!

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

Nothing. Not literally nothing, of course, but just to have no plans or agenda. We might walk down to the stream and throw in stones, or collect firewood in the forest. We’ve recently got really into baking sourdough bread, which is a great family activity! It’s such a luxury to be just the three of us, living life in our lovely home.

What are you passionate about?

Great design, living well. Motherhood. Feminism. Raising girls to know they’re worth so much more than they’re told.

What inspires you?

Everything! The landscape where we live, the seasons. My friends, my daughter, and, of course, the wonderful community I’ve found through Instagram. I love starting my day looking through my feed, and seeing what people are doing in Japan, how people are living the good life with what they’ve got in America or Australia or Korea. I suppose it sounds like a total paradox, but connecting with other mamas and creatives through the internet really helps me to live more simply, and disengage from the modern world.

Thank you Sara for sharing pieces of your world. Readers: you can visit Sara Tasker on Instagram @me_and_orla or on her blog.

***

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Inspiring Mother Danielle: @missverse

February 25, 20157 Comments

There is a certain amount of artifice put into some Instagram accounts. I freely admit that I put thought into choosing what I will share and how I present my family. I want to be authentic, but I want my authentic to be beautiful. Like any story, there are parts told and others untold. I tell you about the hidden paths we walked on the weekend, the street art we found, the drawings Ro did or the flowers Sen arranged. I leave untold, for your imagination to elaborate, what my sink full of dishes looks like or what my daily struggles are.

When thinking about how I would introduce Danielle, I’ll be honest I had a hard time pinpointing what I love about her. Well, obviously, there’s her name. But more than having a lovely first name, Danielle takes beautiful photos and writes beautiful words. And, still, there is more… Following Danielle, known as @missverse on Instagram, you learn of her passion for mothering, her gift with words, her artful eye for composition, but you also come to know that she has really lived life. Not in the “party through your twenties” way or the travel-around-the-world way, but in ways where she struggled and was vulnerable. And rather than sharing only the ups in life, Danielle also shares the downs, the tough days, something that is certainly not easy to do. She doesn’t shy away from showing her vulnerability. As I have come to learn about myself, and I think Danielle knows it too, our struggles bring us closer to our core, to knowing what is most important in life, and ultimately to what is most beautiful.

I hope you will enjoy reading more about Danielle in my interview with her.

What part of the world do you live in?

I live in Northern New Jersey. Specifically, West Milford. It’s an area full of natural beauty, with many different hikes, lakes and rocks. There is so much scope for the imagination, as a favorite heroine of mine would say. We love it!

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

I have two boys, Elliot and Asher. They are only fifteen months apart, so it’s easy for me to see the similarities and differences. Both are incredibly active! Elliot loves to tap dance, color and find treasures outside. He greets the sun every morning with an exuberant “sun up!” and is quick to let me know it’s time to sleep when the “sun down!” Elliot shows such huge joy over the simplest things and he has taught me so much. My love of natures has quadrupled because of him. When every “do you want to go for a walk?” is met with a loud “OH, YES! YAY!” there is no way you cannot be affected. Asher cuddles and cuddles but seems to balance it with an enormous amount of independence. Ever since he could talk, he’s been pointing out the sun, moon and stars to me. How appropriate, because these boys are all three of those things to me!

What are your core family values?

I’d say that Mary Oliver’s quote “pay attention, be astonished, tell about it” sums up our core values. Some may say that we live with too little of the practical, but I have experienced too much to ever quench awe. The joy we can feel over the simplest treasures IS our greatest treasure. BUT, to be a little more practical: our core values consist of getting outside every day, encouraging imagination and to always be kind. These values are not mainly for our kids, but important to my husband and I as well. The things we teach and encourage in our children are the things we encourage in ourselves.

How do you spend most of your days?

We spend a lot of time as a family. My husband and I are equally involved in our boys lives. We go on a lot of adventures or walks. (same thing!) My husband and I are both photographers, which means we tend to take a lot of photos. However, we do try to keep a balance to the photo-taking. It’s good to simply enjoy the moment as well! 😉

What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

I feel like I’m repeating myself, but we truly do take a lot of walks! Money has been tight and the great and wonderful outdoors has been our friend through it all. It doesn’t cost any money, especially since we don’t need to get in the car at all! We walk out our front door and into the woods.

What are you passionate about?

I’m passionate about reading and writing: capturing the beautiful moments through images. I’m passionate about trees, lakes and leaves. I’m passionate about showing these things to my boys. We love to be create.

What inspires you?

I’m inspired by so many things, but I’ll just tell about one here. 😉 Poetry has inspired me the most. Whenever I have writer’s block or feel a little “bleh” a good poem will bring me out of the mood. Word have always done that for me and I truly hope I can teach my boys to appreciate all the words they can read.

When I crafted my questions for the inspiring mothers series I wanted to hear from women who inspired me about their interests, their passions, their inspirations and how they spend their days. The questions were no accident. I knew my intution about Danielle was right, when she said that she felt like she was repeating herself in answering the questions. Danielle has found a way to make her passions her everyday.

Please visit Danielle on Instagram and check out her website Young Love Media.

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Hippie in Disguise

slow living, minimalism and connection with nature

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Ottawa Meetup

The Love More Stories

A Wild and Beautiful Life: Inspiring Mother Jessica

Magic Feathers

Wit and Wisdom from Inspiring Mother Nelly

Creative Mother Kaity Ferrell

Inspiring Mother Josie: @josie.hendrick

Inspiring Mother Sara: @me_and_orla

Inspiring Mother Danielle: @missverse

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