Winter Wonderland bridge to Gatineau Quebec

Inhaling the Season, Inhaling the Moment 

Winter Wonderland bridge to Gatineau Quebec

Yesterday, our city had its first snowstorm of the season. Ordinarily, we would have significant piles of snow by now, but El Niño has been kind to us this year. However, after two months of unseasonably warm snowlessness, winter arrived. Yesterday, incidentally, was also my first day back to work after the Christmas holidays. Having that extra day added to my weekend felt like bliss…

I came downstairs to Matt setting up to make pancakes with the children (lucky guy gets the whole week off, as his school is closed for the holidays). Matt looks up and says “You’re not wearing that to work, are you?! It’s snowing! It’s cold out!” I’m dressed in teal tights and a mid-length dress. “You’re biking in, right?” he asks. “Of course!” I reply, “It’s only minus 12!” I’ve commuted  by bike year round (as has Matt) for almost twenty years, so there was no question in my mind about whether to ride my bike to work. (And let me tell you, I’m not a tough person or someone with anything to prove. In reality, I’m a bit of a wimp.) Each year there’s a day or two when the snow is just too deep to pedal through and I have to walk in. But surely today was not that day, it was only the first real snow! No, no, on this day, I confidently assumed that, like in other years, people were over-reacting to the snow. That is, over-compensating by wearing too much clothing and avoiding travel. No over-reaction would come from me! Each year, as winter settles in people become accustomed to the conditions and they remember how to carry on with their usual life in spite of the winter (sorry winter, I don’t mean to spite you, it’s just a turn of phrase). Knowing this, I tell myself, assuredly, that there’s no reason not to wear a dress or to ride my bike. A glance out the window confirms that, indeed, a lot of snow has fallen and is continuing to fall. Hugs and kisses delivered to my loves and out the garage door I head into the snow, with my bike, of course.

I step into the snow. Ah…it turns out the snow is light, fine, and the slippery sort. If you’ve lived with significant snow in your life you know that there are many types of snow. Understanding their properties first hand informs us of what to expect and how to act (ahem…). Growing up in Canadian cities with major snow accumulation, being an outdoorsy person, I know what I’m in for with this snow (ahem…). A test ride on my bike confirms my intuition, the wheels spin like an exercise bike that doesn’t move forward. No worries, I tell myself, I will just push my bike through the snow until I come to a main road, which certainly will have been plowed or at least compacted by car commuters. I begin down my street, passing a fellow cyclist neighbour who is shovelling and says to me: “Biking in, eh?” (Which, if you don’t understand Canadian, is a kind way of questioning the logic of biking on such a day). Not even slightly deterred, I call out “Of course! I just need to get to a main street, then it’s smooth sailing!” I continue on. As I turn off my street I can see what’s usually a busy residential street ahead that would ordinarily be cleared of snow due to its through traffic. Hmm, not so today. I decide I will have to take a detour to a more main street, the Main Street in our city, Bank street.  This means pushing my bike for an extra four blocks, but what choice do I have? (Turning around is not an option, eye roll).  And besides, if I’m honest, the adventure of it is a big part of the fun. Yes, fun.

I continue on, two blocks later, I come upon a friend of Matt’s, an avid outdoorsman, cyclist and athlete, he’s shovelling and calls out to me: “You look like a Dutch woman, are you off to race cyclocross?” This is meant as a joke, as I’m wearing a dress and clearly only crazy, competitive cyclists would persist with riding a bike in such weather, and would only do so because they didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to race their bike. I laugh at his joke, which I really only get because I’ve lived with a cyclist for almost twenty years. I reply “It’s just a little snow, I’ve commuted for years! I used to live in Montreal!” (Which is a Canadian joke, because Montreal gets huge dumps of snow AND has crazy drivers, if you commute by bike in Montreal you earn a badge of bravery). I continue on to the end of his block, and looking up ahead I notice a photographer snapping photos of pedestrians walking by, he aims his camera at me and starts taking pictures. I suppose a woman in a dress with a bike in this weather could make for a good photo story. I recognize his body language and realize it’s Justin Tang of the Canadian Press, who I’ve met a few times around town. “Hi Justin!” I call out. “Oh hey, Danielle!” He snaps a few more photos and then we chat about the weather and a few other spots where he could get some good photos of people in the storm. “Have great day, enjoy the snow!”

 

I continue on one more block and am now at the busiest street in town. Well, look at this…it hasn’t been plowed, and there’s only one lane open in each direction, even the city buses can’t pull over to open their doors for passengers because the snow is too deep. At this point, I concede that I cannot ride my bike to work. Well, I could, but it would mostly be pushing my bike, it would be dangerous in this traffic, and it would take way too long. (I do need to arrive at my desk at a reasonable hour!). I park my bike at a nearby condo tower, out of the way from snow plows (which will undoubtedly pass by soon, #optimism) so that it doesn’t get hit and run down by a plow (yes, it happens…a lot).

I hop on a city bus and arrive at work late, but given the weather, no one is concerned. I love these days. While there is normally so much concern that we attend work for the full hours, so as to ensure we have enough time to get everything done, on bad weather days, another logic kicks in: we can get done what needs to be done in the time available. I work away at my desk for a few hours and then an email comes in advising our team that we can leave work early due to “deteriorating” weather conditions (what?! The weather is amazing!). Doesn’t sound or look like anything has deteriorated to me, it’s beautiful outside! Without delay I put my boots and parka on and I’m out the door of the office tower.

I love to walk. I would probably walk everywhere I went if I had the luxury of time. I would love to walk to work and home each day, but this would rob me of time with my children (yes, it would feel like robbing) by adding 45 minutes each way to my commute, essentially leaving me with about an hour and a half of waking hours with my children each day. Not enough! So, I bike to work in order to delay my departure and bike home to rush my return. But yesterday’s weather allowed no rushing, even the city buses were crawling along. So, out of my office I happily stepped, knowing that circumstances were allowing me to walk home without any inner guilt that would stem from selfishly choosing to walk and thereby stealing time from my family.

I work in the bordering city, bordering province in fact, which is separated from Ottawa (city), Ontario (province) by a beautiful river (where we spend many summer days), there is a long bridge connecting the two provinces. I love walking this bridge, the river, the energy of the rushing water, beautiful Victoria Island situated at mid point, the old stone buildings built along the river, trees and hills, naturally formed. I know that it’s serendipity’s gift that I get to walk home in this gorgeous weather. I know that it’s impossible for me to rush myself. And so, I just inhale it all, inhale the season, inhale the moment. Inhale, exhale. Slowly.

 

As I’ve said elsewhere, I don’t often move slowly outside of my time with the children. My job is hectic, my commute is rushed, and so this weather is a gift to move slowly, to savour. And I know it. Thank goodness, I know it.

The walk is beautiful, passing the river, trees, wild rose bushes where we have gathered petals in the summer, then moving more into the city centre, the downtown streets, passing by statues accumulating snow, traffic lights glowing through frosty flakes. It’s all beautiful. An hour and a half later I arrive at the condo building where I had parked my bike. Snow plows clearly haven’t passed by yet and my bike is in perfect condition, albeit half buried. Did I mention it’s still snowing? I unlock my bike and continue my walk home, pushing my bike through the unplowed streets. I’m glowing from enjoyment of all the unexpected in the day.

As I walk the 6 blocks to my house, I pass the same avid cyclist neighbour who flatteringly referred to me as a Dutch woman, “Still shovelling, eh?” I call out in a humorous tone.”Pretty much!” he replies. I continue on, passing other neighbourhood folk who I don’t personally know: an older couple happily chuckles as they see me pushing my bike, I grin to myself and them, happy to give them a good laugh. “Great day for biking!” I call out. More laughter. I continue on, passing another person every few houses, each smiles and chuckles away at my silliness, but also, I intuit, because they too have been overly optimistic about Canadian weather on occasion, their smiles belie this truth. I pause and realize I’m delighted to be giving people a reason to laugh at the weather and to have an extra laugh in their day. This day, this weather, has been a gift.

I arrive home to find out that Matt’s longest friend reported to him that this day was the hardest bike commute he’s ever had (he had to carry his bike through the snow). He’s a hard man, he’s been commuting forever, he’s lived in the mountains. Matt tells me I should have skied to work. But I’m really glad I biked.

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The Love More Stories

A few months ago I was asked to contribute a story to a collection that would be called The Love More Stories. At the time I didn’t know of The Love More Shop or the kind woman, Amanda, who ran it. But I said yes, because, well, she had me at the title. The book was released last week just in time to give Mother’s Day a little bit of extra celebration this year.

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The Love More Stories is an e-book of 15 personal stories written by mothers about learning to love more, whether it was loving themselves more, their children more, their partner more, someone or something else more. The stories are honest, some very raw, inspiring and enlightening. I am truly honoured to be in a collection full of such wise stories words written by some very inspiring women.

My story talks about our decision to have only one child, based on the idea of loving the earth more, by taking less from it, but also based on a surprising admission from my husband. Here’s a little excerpt:

My heart still wanted that big family, so I began to talk about adoption, which I thought Matt would agree to since it wouldn’t bring new people into the world. And this is when I got an answer I never ever expected. ‘Danielle, I love Ro so much there is just no way that I could ever love another child as much. I would never forgive myself for having a second child in the family that I didn’t love as much. That child would know, they would feel the lack of love. And if by some crazy stroke of fate I did love that second child as much as I love Ro, then I would certainly have to rob Ro of some of my love.’ I could see the calculus of love floating in thought bubbles above his head. Like any resource, there is a finite amount. In a family you only have so much time to share among its members, there’s only so much food in the fridge and bedrooms in your home. Who was I to say, naively, that there would be enough love to go around? When I thought about the woman living in the apartment below us, who had 19 children (yes, nineteen), I thought Matt’s right, there is no way she loves any one of those children as much as we love our one child. This was without any poor judgment of her, it was pure math, pure logic. And so, once again, I conceded to Matt’s view. It would be one child for us. Logically, I knew he was right, but I’d be lying if I said my heart was happy about it.”

There’s an interesting twist in the story that brought us to our two children, but you’ll have to get the e-book to read how our story unfolded.

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As the collection came together, and I got to know Amanda a little better, I wanted to interview her to share her story and get the word out about her project with the Love More Shop. I love hearing from women who have been able to follow their passion as mothers. If you ask me, that is living the dream.

What part of the world do you live in? 

I live in the beautiful state of Oregon. After six years in Portland I just recently moved my little family back to Hood River, where I grew up an hour east of Portland.

How many children do you have and how would you describe them?

Theodore (who goes by many nicknames but I call him Theo) is pushing two years old. He is a happy, energetic, and curious little guy. He loves to play outside and is obsessed with trains, nursing, spaghetti, and dancing. I’ve never seen a baby bust a move the way he does and I love it. He is turning into a toddler now and I love seeing the ways he changes and grows each day. When you are a parent you notice all the “unnoticable” things. “Oh he has never walked up that slope without falling!” “That’s the first time he said “R” like that!” I didn’t expect to notice as much as I do before becoming a mother. He takes all of my energy and he is amazing.

Graham is my seven year old step son. He is mature beyond his years and has a wisdom that most kids his age don’t. My partner, Isaac, raised him on his own for the first three years of his life so they have a special bond. Being a stepparent is far more challenging than I ever expected but I have also learned more than I ever imagined. Through him I am learning that I can’t hide from my pain or my shortcomings. Through him I am learning that the only way out is deeper in, enveloped in a blanket of love. Through him I am learning what it means to be a true and vulnerable woman.

I could write a book about our experiences navigating the waters of step parenting and dealing with the pain caused by his birth mother because it’s been a huge part of our life for the past three years, maybe someday I will.

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What are your core family values?

To be kind and loving. We are broken people that have felt what darkness really feels like – something I am grateful for because we haven’t been destroyed and each day that we live an honest life we discover that we won’t ever be destroyed by it. We try our best to be kind, good people even if that means we are going to be uncomfortable or that we aren’t going to get what we want; that’s our goal each day.

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How do you spend most of your days?

I spend most of my days trying to figure out how to do this mom thing well. Our life has been chaotic for the past three years. A lot of uncertainty, a lot of transition and change, a lot of disappointment to move through. I crave routine and structure and I think it’s on the horizon with our move to make a better life for our family and our new home.

I stay home with Theo and run my shop the best I can while he sleeps. We spend a lot of our time at the park, library, cooking, taking multiple baths a day, and going on walks.

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What is your favourite thing to do as a family?

Now that we are in the new house we like to work out in the yard together. Planting our garden and making our home our home. We like to go to the park, having dance parties, building forts, sitting down for dinner together, and going out for coffee and donuts or pizza. Snuggling up to watch a movie together is also a favorite.

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What are you passionate about?

Motherhood, living simply and well, natural childbirth, documenting my family, design.

What inspires you?

Other mothers being honest and real. Other mothers embodying their values and beliefs.

Water is something I need when I want to feel inspired or connected. A bath, a shower, walk by the river, float on a lake, listening to the rain. Water grounds and inspires me.

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Did your career aspirations change once you had a child?

Definitely. I have always wanted to be a mother and when I got pregnant I knew I wouldn’t want to return to working away from home. I was a designer and I didn’t want to go back into that world unless it was doing something that I truly believed in. Even then, I was not about to leave my baby with someone else both because I just didn’t want to and childcare is too expensive for what designers make around here.

So things shifted and are still shifting. I am hoping that design can weave it’s way back into my life in the near future. We will see!

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What is The Love More Shop and why did you start it?

The Love More Shop is a brand that reminds people to love their family, friends, and world more each day because creating empathetic, kind, whole human beings starts in a loving home. Our shirts remind each other to love a little more each day – because there is ALWAYS more love and sweetness to give.

A portion of proceeds goes toward sending parents out on dates to nurture their love with the idea that creating a loving home starts with united and loving parents. When our baby boy was a few months old our friends gave us $100 to go out on a date. It was such a thoughtful and unexpected gesture that really touched our hearts. We were broke but desperately needed some time out together and to escape one evening for a couple of hours together. (We pretended we didn’t know each other and drank too much.) Love More had been my mantra for a few years and then I thought “well why not print it on shirts and see if I can sell them and give back in someway.” I wanted to find a way to give back that was authentic to me and a little different and what our friends did for us inspired me to help other parents have a night out together. So, each time the Love Fund reaches $100 we donate that money to one sweet couple to go out together and nurture their relationship.

It’s small and I know that giving people cash to go on on date together won’t heal the world. But it’s something and it starts a conversation and hopefully when people see the shirts being worn it will inspire them to love a little more.

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What is the Love More Stories book all about? And why did you want to publish it?

I started a series on the blog in September called The Love More Letters. They are short love letters written by about a dozen mothers who wanted to participate. Then I thought it would be nice to collect longer stories to put together an e-book that would inspire mothers to love more in their own lives or celebrate the ways they already do. I love reading other peoples experiences when they come from an honest and vulnerable space. I can feel what they feel. I am tired of the judgment and shaming of how mothers choose to raise their children. There needs to be more acceptance and empathy and my hope is that sharing simple stories will help build understanding and community.

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How can people buy the Love More Stories?

On our website right here.

What are your dreams for the Love More Shop and your family?

My dream is for the Love More Shop to grow into a movement of some kind and a business that can help provide for my family. I want to be sending a couple out on a date each week! Wouldn’t that be awesome!? I also don’t plan on simply selling shirts forever and I think the e-book is the start to growing into something bigger.

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Be sure to visit the Love More Shop to read the Love More Letters and to see what else Amanda is up to. You can also follow Amanda on Instagram @thelovemoreshop.